Dating and relationships

Two Books That Changed My Twentysomething Dating Life

I’m not much of a player. In fact, exactly none of my friends would agree that I have any sort of “game” or way with men that I fancy....

I’m not much of a player. In fact, exactly none of my friends would agree that I have any sort of “game” or way with men that I fancy. Flirting (or my version of it) tends to come naturally around those that I am not into and yet as soon as something pretty comes around, I forget all the words.

Then there is the general understanding that one needs to have when attempting to make a relationship with a human male succeed. I don’t normally rely on self help books and I wouldn’t consider either of these books to be in that category. I read them both before they became movies and having seen the movies, I can accurately say the books are nothing to do with the movies and should definitely be read.

It took a lot of thought for me to share these with you here. There’s a certain amount of taboo around self help in general, especially when that self help centers on dating & relationships. However the lessons I've picked up from these books have been so consistent and so prevalent everywhere I look that I had to share.

Both of these books I’m going to recommend changed the way I view both dating and relationships in my 20s. I hope they do the same for you guys!

He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

(available here)

THIS BOOK CHANGED THE ENTIRE GAME FOR ME. Seriously. When I think of the LITERAL HOURS spent analysing and making excuses for lost causes. When I remember trying (with every fibre of my being) to date the most unsuitable and beyond disinterested men, it makes me cringe on the inside. And on the outside.


The premise of this book is simple: when someone is interested in you, they will make it clear. No one who values you and genuinely wants to start something meaningful with you will ever leave you guessing or confused about his feelings for you. Every serious relationship I have had has demonstrated this pattern. Simples. If he’s not calling you/texting you/bending over backwards to spend 1:1 time with you and only you, then he’s just not that into you.

I cannot tell you how much time and energy I have saved since I read this book. Dating is hard enough so I highly recommend you equip yourself. Read this book and start recognizing the signs of a lost cause. If it doesn’t change the game for you too then nothing will. The simplicity of the messaging is what set me free.


“If I was into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day…If he’s not calling you, it’s because you’re not on his mind”.
“Don’t be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You are deeply missable. However, he’s still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he’s choosing, every day, not to be with you.”

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey (available here)

As a fan of Steve Harvey the comedian, I never considered him to be a source of relationship advice or insight. However, this book made for a really interesting read, especially at a time when I was trying to understand why the boy I was in a relationship with at the time was making choices that made absolutely no sense to me. It’s controversial but surprisingly insightful.


The book talks about the base differences in the way men and women approach love and being in a relationship. I am fully aware this is a vast and liberal generalisation but it made sense to me and my circumstance at the time so bear with me hehe. Women fall in love and want to grow with the person, be a team, a unit that will reach success together.

Men on the other hand see things a little differently. They would much rather come to the table already a success before they can truly commit to and focus on anyone else. Love isn’t always enough and that really was a revelation to me – I’d always believed it was. The book was very insightful and I would highly recommend it to any woman who is dealing with a man in crisis.


“The range of your vision is impaired by the location of your head.”
“All I’m telling you to do is to be smart about it. Know that if this man isn’t looking for a serious relationship, you’re not going to change his mind just because you two are going on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord’s green earth…but if he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he going to treat you like sports fish…”

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